The Evolution of Audrey

For my Research & Writing class that is tied to my thesis project, I was required to write an "inspiration paper" that explained my personal motivation for choosing the project that I did. As I was trying just now to get myself a little more organized, I came across this paper. I read it, and I liked it, so I thought I'd share it here. If you wonder what I'm spending most of my time doing these days, this is it.
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The inspiration for my thesis project is a product of the evolution that has taken place within me, during my three-plus years at Marylhurst. I like to call this “The Evolution of Audrey.” I think it all began when I was first exposed to Samuel Mockbee and Auburn University’s Rural Studio, at the end of my first year. I was literally moved to tears by Mockbee and this program, and suddenly my eyes were open to the power that designers have to affect change—to make a difference. While I can look back at this moment as a very poignant one, “The Evolution of Audrey” was still a slow process. Gradually my beliefs about design and my yearning to be involved in something meaningful chipped away at my aspiration to be a designer, until last spring in Rome when it all came to a head, changing my life, forever. I began to look very critically at design and architecture, and its purpose. I began to wonder, “What is the point of all this?” At the same time, I was discovering that I felt much more passionately about writing than I did about designing.

What it has come down to is this, my personal manifesto: I believe that in many ways, design is far too full of superficiality and ego. This is a hard pill for me to swallow, and one that I vow not to participate in. I believe in the “other side” of design and designers. I believe in the principle that spaces affect people, and that design can be used as a vehicle to help people and to affect change within social constructs. I believe that all people should have the opportunity to occupy spaces that make them feel dignified. I believe that all people should have the opportunity to occupy spaces that are actually designed. I believe in designing from a place of heart, not a place of ego.

As I began to put these two key pieces together (the fact that I want to write and my desire to explore ethics and social justice in design), my project idea started to take shape. After many discussions in class and with advisors, it became clear that the purpose and content of my project would likely become watered down if I were to simply complete an interior design project. Therefore it was proposed that I do something revolutionary by not designing a space for my thesis project.

Being in the position of charting new territory is a rather comfortable place for me to be. I have never been satisfied with simply doing what everyone else does, nor with floating through life without making waves. It is in my nature to be a wave-maker. I like to present ideas that actually make people think, in a way that they may never have thought before. I am looking at my thesis project as my opportunity to do something that is personally fulfilling to me. Not only does it fulfill my desire to bring awareness and exposure to an often forgotten aspect of design, but also it acts as my foray into the world of being a writer. This is my chance to spend nine months (and likely more) of my life creating something that I can say with confidence and integrity, is a proper reflection of me, and what I am about. Anything else simply would not do.

Spring???

I know we still have a way to go, but I can feel it...it's on the way. The sun is shining, but more importantly, there is something about the changing quality of light that elicits a visceral reaction within my body, telling me Spring is coming. I like it.

Incomplete Thoughts

Yes, it’s been a while…and since I’ve been bugged from multiple people about my lack of presence here, I thought I’d do something unprecedented (for me, that is). I’m a little too uptight to post something I consider unfinished, but it’s all I’ve got. Random thoughts that I believed I would eventually turn into something more profound…but no, they just sit. So maybe this is all there is to it—nothing more necessary. Maybe they are complete in their incompleteness.


Entitlement
I keep hearing these words: “You’re entitled.” Am I, really? Am I entitled? Is anyone entitled to anything? When one feels entitled, they take, rather than give. I’m confused: is the concept of entitlement itself a problem? Or is it only a problem when entitlement gets out of control? But then…what’s out of control? You see, this could go on forever…


A Question of Desire
[Desire: to want something very strongly.] It sounds so simple, so basic. Yet wrapped up in this simple word, desire, is a world of complications. Is desire, most simply, wanting something we know we can’t have? And of course the bigger question, does the lack of attainability only make feelings of desire stronger? Of all the things we desire in life, how much do we actually need? And where is the line between purely hedonistic desire and what is reasonable?


The Magic of Snow
When snow first falls, it’s a beautiful thing—all fresh and quiet and lovely. Pure. Idyllic. Magical. But when the snow hangs on for just a little too long, it becomes an annoyance—a source of aggravation and deprivation. Then, inevitably, it melts. It turns ugly, messy, and dirty. It’s difficult to even recognize that this ugly pile of dirty slush was once its formerly beautiful self. Once it’s in this state, we either want it to disappear completely, leaving no evidence of its existence, or we long for the way it once was. Magical, idyllic, pure, and lovely. But once it’s gone, it’s gone. Until the next time the snow falls, and so the cycle repeats. My favorite theme: nature as metaphor for life.